My Elderly Mother is Consuming My Life: What To Do When Caregiving Becomes Too Much
You feel responsible for your mom’s care, especially since she took care of you as a child. However, being an unpaid family caregiver is no easy task. With all the time and effort you devote to her well-being, you can’t help but think, “My elderly mother is consuming my life.” This is a sign that caregiver burnout is headed your way.
If you feel like you have no life outside of caring for your aging mother, there is a way forward. Here’s what you should know about elder care and how to manage burnout.
Why Is Taking Care of Mom So Hard?
For much of your life, your mom was in the driver’s seat of your relationship. She fed you, clothed you, and managed much of your life until you were an adult. Now that the roles are reversed and she relies on you for personal tasks such as feeding, bathing, and dressing, it’s normal to feel saddened and conflicted.
Family caregiving is hard for most adult children. Being a full-time caregiver strains your mind, body, emotional state, and social life. You might feel burnt out due to:
- Having to take excessive time off work
- Managing your mom’s medical appointments
- Regulating your mom’s emotions
- Accommodating your mom’s physical challenges
- Modifying your house to fit your mom’s needs
- Feeling isolated from everyone except your mom
- Feeling trapped as your mom’s caregiver
- Feeling guilty about your negative emotions
- Abandoning your own needs because of your caregiving duties
- Resenting a lack of help and support from your siblings
- Coming to terms with challenging behaviors and conflicts with your mom
Caregiving isn’t just an emotional challenge; it’s a physical, financial, and social challenge as well. All of these factors can contribute to burnout as an unpaid caregiver for an aging parent.
Identifying Caregiver Burnout: Signs That Taking Care of Mom Is Becoming “Too Much”
Pushing yourself past your limits isn’t fair to you or to your mother. Watch out for these warning signs of caregiver burnout:
- Frustration
- Compassion fatigue
- Frequent crying
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Social isolation
- Increased conflicts with your mom
- Irritability
- Sleep problems
- Appetite changes
- Loss of interest in your hobbies
- Excessive guilt
- Anger
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re a bad son or daughter. In fact, it’s a sign that you care about and love your mom enough to protect her well-being despite the challenges it brings to your life. Just don’t let your burnout go unchecked.
Get Support to Manage Burnout Symptoms
Here are some tips to help you manage your life as both a caregiver and an individual with complex emotions and personal needs.
Seek Respite Care
Turn to paid professionals who will provide temporary care for your mom while you take some much-needed time to rest and recharge. Respite care can be in-home or at a facility.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for a family caregiver. Your self-care activities could include journaling, taking a hot bubble bath, meeting up with a friend for coffee, or simply sitting in silence for a while. If you can, carve out some time each day to engage in your hobbies, eat your favorite foods, and nourish your body and mind.
Ask for Help
Ask your family members if they can step in for a few hours (or even a whole day) to take care of your mom. You can’t do this alone, and any outside support you get will benefit both of you.
Accept Your Feelings Without Shame
Shaming yourself for feeling burnt out won’t help. In fact, it’ll make everything more difficult. Instead, practice radical acceptance of your emotions and acknowledge that this is a difficult situation for anyone to be in.
Finding the Balance Between Caregiving and Self-Care
You’re a person with needs and feelings, too. You don’t have to abandon your own needs to meet your mom’s. With the right help and support, including respite care services, you and your mom can both thrive again.
If you or your family member is considering in-home care as part of a plan to age in place, contact Family Matters In-Home Care today for a free consultation. Our team is dedicated to supporting your family and helping older adults enjoy life in the comfort of their own home for as long as possible.
Some of the services offered by Family Matter In-Home Care include: Alzheimer’s & Dementia Care, Bed & Wheelchair Transfer Assistance, Companionship, Housekeeping & Meal Preparation, Personal Care, Recovery Care, and Transportation.
Serving the San Francisco Bay Area and Greater San Diego, Family Matter In-Home Care has offices throughout California.
