Navigating Caregiver Sibling Resentment: Challenges & Solutions
Despite growing up in the same household, siblings can be wildly different from one another in terms of personality, behavior, interests, and values. With that in mind, it’s no surprise that adult siblings can often butt heads when the care of their aging parent is in question.
Realizing that your parent is in need of in-home care can be an emotional experience for anyone. But when the personalities and opinions of multiple siblings are being thrown in the mix at the same time, it can make the process of determining a caregiving plan feel nearly impossible.
Common Disagreements Between Caregiving Siblings and How to Address Them
The last thing you want is for your disagreements with your siblings to affect your relationships or prevent your parent from having their needs met. Again, disputes between siblings in these situations are very common, but the way you go about handling them can make a huge difference in how easily you move past them.
On that note, here are a few of the most common things that adult children of aging parents disagree on and suggestions on how to deal with such disputes:
The Need for Care
In some situations, not all siblings will be on the same page about their parent’s need for in-home care in the first place. That kind of conversation can be tricky, especially since emotions will be running high.
The best way to resolve such tension is to bring in a third party who is completely unbiased, such as a geriatric care manager or social worker. They will be able to provide their professional opinion on what type of care is needed for your parent and help to create a plan of action. Resistant siblings will be able to see the facts of the situation more clearly once they are laid out by a professional.
Determining a Primary Caregiver
You and your siblings may agree that a professional caregiving team or a move to an assisted living facility isn’t necessary for your parent yet. However, that means one of you will need to take the lead in caring for your parent. And if no one is able to step up to the role, you’ll have to determine an equal share of responsibilities so that everyone can balance some caregiving with their personal lives.
If one of your siblings is completely unable to provide their time, they could instead support you and your parent financially by paying for respite care or a part-time caregiver.
Upholding Care Responsibilities
Even for siblings who are able to come to a consensus about who is providing what level of care and when they’ll do so, the question becomes a matter of knowing whether each sibling will uphold their end of the agreement. In many cases, life can get in the way, or opinions about the situation can change, causing siblings to offload some of their responsibilities onto the others.
Throughout the caregiving process, plan consistent meetings with all of your siblings without your parent present. In doing so, you can talk amongst yourselves and voice any disappointments or resentments that may be occurring. All of you are learning to be caregivers at the same time, so you need to work to give each other grace throughout the process in addition to holding each other accountable.
Parent Manipulation
Family dynamics can be tricky, as some parents get into the habit of emotionally manipulating their children to agree with their views. The opposite can be true as well.
If your parent is playing emotional games with the siblings and causing trouble, maintaining open communication between yourselves away from your parent can help you to stay connected and see past your parent’s tactics.
If one of your siblings is doing the manipulating, instead, try to document their actions as well as possible and consider releasing them from their caregiving responsibilities. In some extreme cases, their behavior may be regarded as elder abuse and be cause for a shift in power of attorney.
Lead With Compassion Throughout the Caregiving Process
Throughout all the disagreements that you may have with your siblings, remember to keep compassion for one another at the forefront. Caregiving for your elderly parent is not easy, but you all have each other to lean on as you learn how to handle the responsibilities.
If you or your family member is considering in-home care as part of a plan to age in place, contact Family Matters In-Home Care today for a free consultation. Our team is dedicated to supporting your family and helping older adults enjoy life in the comfort of their own home for as long as possible.
Some of the services offered by Family Matter In-Home Care include: Alzheimer’s & Dementia Care, Bed & Wheelchair Transfer Assistance, Companionship, Housekeeping & Meal Preparation, Personal Care, Recovery Care, and Transportation.
Serving the San Francisco Bay Area and Greater San Diego, Family Matter In-Home Care has offices throughout California.
